Beauty and Madness

Saturday, Apr 14,2012
2:15 AM

Have you ever felt so alone, no one to talk too, like everyday is a struggle. Haven't felt this kind of feeling how you may call this sadness or depression in my life before. Its like everyday im trying to find myself looking for somone, trying to reach this particular person, trying to grasp and holding on to what keeps me close to that person. Picture,Letters,Notes, everything that was left I kept them all so dear and  close never I have felt such pain in my entire life. I know that learning from our mistakes can make you a better person and now that I have learned my mistake from my wrong decisions I had to pay a price, so dear that it almost breaks me apart. Being left by the person that I spent 2 years of my life changed me literally inside and out. I tried mailing her, texting her, asked for one last chance so I can make the wrong decision i made right again. I have been trying 3 years now since I last saw her and since then i have been trying to contact her at any means possible. I tried looking for sombody else but I can't find the intimacy the happiness the Joy that i had. I miss her alot, so much that i don't know what to do with my life anymore. All our goals our plans everything was wasted cause of a very very wrong decision. I have to struggle, I have to be strong, but still i am dragged by my sadness down that I can't shake it.  I am still human a person who is tempted, weak and full of imperfections, but I will still pursue until my dying breath. Cause deep inside I know i can't leave without her but if ever the time comes when she found somone else maybe, just maybe it would be the time for me to let go.

Wednesday, June 27,2012
10:59 PM

Many has happened after 2 months, and lessons learned. being at the front line of all the outburst and outcomes I stand strong. Even at my weakest point I never gave in. Time and time again I kept thinking to stop but someone was pushing me to keep on moving forward. It was weeks ago that made me realize that I was not alone in this world, that I can lean on when im down. you may call them friends but I call them Family.